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The Worm

August 13, 2014

Addictions and habits are like rotten worms. They rarely become full monsters until they are planted in your heart. They worm their way in, old habits tempt with the pleasures they brought, ignoring the destruction they wrought.

While not giving in to the more destructive habits, coffee called to me and I partook. For many this is not a bad thing, but coffee makes me sleepy, tired and dry mouthed. I was already exhausted, so I sat down and gave more time to video games. Not to the extent I had before but more than I have been.

Today needs to be less Computer/TV and more intellectual and physical pursuits. Cleaning and puzzles are on the agenda and should provide the relaxation my mind and body are so desiring at the moment without giving into the temptation to do nothing productive. Video Games can be intellectual, but I can also spend 8+ hours a day on them if I give in, which is not moderation… or even coping.

The fire that burned for change has diminished but is still there. In the past the fire burned brightly and quickly and then went out, old habits quickly filling back into their cozy niches. Now I forge forward, holding onto the changes made and adjusting where I need to. I need a foothold, though, to establish this productive attitude as the norm rather than the exception. My limitations reached, I will strive to hold on with the hope that in the future I can add some more. Even if not, this feeling of accomplishment and joy is better than the dark pits that accompany a muddied conscious and depression.


From → My Journal

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