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August 29, 2014

Everything eventually changes. Its inevitable. We have to be adaptable and accept the changes, otherwise we will break like an unyielding twig.

School started and getting my kids to school throws off my set routine in the morning. I have gotten used to waking up while doing my routine and getting it all done at once. Now I need to learn how to spread it out and get my kids ready for school along with that.  It can throw one off in the mornings, but looking forward to making it a “giant” routine.

I keep thinking that since I am doing… better, that many will expect me to go to work again soon. It is probably just me, but the thought line doesn’t go away. I want to go back to work in many ways, but at the same time its still unrealistic. My biggest… realization is that anything, even small things, can throw me off for the day. The routine helps me wake up and start my day, but there are small things all day that I follow to keep stable.

Some things are things I have done for years. While not considered OCD, they are OCD tendencies. The difference? From what I have been told, I need to ask the question: Does it disrupt my life or others around me?

For the most part, no. If I don’t do them, then they can as my mind will latch on and bug me until I get them done. I always thought this was still considered OCD, but OCD is still a complete mystery to me as to what it actually entails. But I have other… “routines”/habits during the day. They aren’t rituals as they are not meant to be repeated so many times or superstitious in nature. They are more along the “paranoid” line of thought. I constantly check things for safety. If I didn’t have to work with people… or be responsible for morons, I would make a great safety inspector. 😛 I would also completely nuts from the stress though. Either way, not following that “routine”/habit can throw me off as well. Its adjusting to allow those tendencies and routines to still be allowed but not disrupt my life or others around me. 

Many do not realize how much work goes into maintaining a stable day when you have anxiety and depression pressing in from all sides. Even when stable, the illnesses do not go away. They are like destructive house guests that you finally get to leave but now pound on your doors and windows at all hours of the day. They are still there, waiting for an opening to come in and wreck havoc once again. There are no cops to call to have them taken away.

It will be a good day today.


From → My Journal

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