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Journal Redux #3

July 3, 2017

Mood: Depressed/Angry
– Near Tears

Sleep: Decent
Diet: Junk

Energy: None
Motivation: None
Ambition: None

Libido: Hyper
– Porn Addiction: Don’t Care

Therapy: Regular
Med Compliance: None

Conscience: Whispered

I got outside yesterday. It was a good thing. We went to a small lake beach and had hamburgers, sun and some relaxation. I start to retreat almost immediately being around people and by the end of the night I was exhausted and fully inside my shell.

Later, my wife gave a friend a drink called Hot Sex (chocolate, very good) and our friend sent out snapchats about how she likes it when her best friend gives her Hot Sex. She got a reply back from one of her friends about it. In it our friend mentioned to him that my wife had given it to her and he, possibly for just a joke…. doubt it, made a comment about sharing her friend with him.

Yeah, that is definitely a trigger. My humor was dead and I became super angry. The depression and anxiety I was already dealing with didn’t help, but I was angry and didn’t find it funny in the least.

I can’t even picture my wife with another guy without becoming angry, and when its mentioned by someone else it drives it home. I didn’t sleep all that well (I did sleep, though), and woke up still angry.

This all lead to me being cranky about everything and coming across as cross to everything, which then lead to a fight about weekend plans.

This day hasn’t been all bad… but I still feel dead inside.

From → My Journal Redux

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