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Journal Redux #4

July 12, 2017

Mood: Depressed
– Questioning Things

Sleep: Near Insomnia
Diet: Whatever we Have to Eat

Energy: Some
Motivation: Some
Ambition: None

Libido: Hyper
– Porn Addiction: Fighting

Therapy: Missed Last Appointment
Med Compliance: None

Conscience: Lost

I had no idea that its been over a week since I last wrote an entry. My perception of time is still… random.

I want to throw up, but I do not know why.

I want to sleep, but, as usual, my mind will not shut down.

My sex drive is on full, even after sex. Usually it calms down once… I release. (I hate masturbating anymore, there is no joy or satisfaction… my wife is all I need.) I don’t know what this means, but its new.

I feel there is something wrong. I have this feeling in my head every time I do something, its like a disconnect from reality or my conscience. I get to a point in the decision making process and most of the time I get to this gap (I feel it, right side of my head towards the right… yep, it has a spot) that says, “I don’t care.”

There are things I still care about, but many things I KNOW I care about just have shut off, like they were removed from my own brain or now sit in an endless darkness.

I stopped caring. Now, this has happened before, but I have always cared that I don’t care and could usually follow through with not making decisions I knew I would regret once I “switched” back to my “normal” self. But this time… this time I don’t care that I don’t care. I feel comfortable. In a small way, yeah, it still scares me… but I don’t care.

From → My Journal Redux

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